“When are you going to have a baby?”. Seems like such a sweet and simple question. “When our house is finished.” “When it happens it happens.” “We’re enjoying married life.” None of these answers were true. The truth was, this question broke my heart every time I was asked.
When I first found out I was pregnant it was late March 2016. Married for two months, pregnant with our first baby, life was so good! Until it wasn’t. At 7 weeks I had my first miscarriage. It was hard, but I kept it to myself, put a smile on my face, and tried to move forward.
July 2016, I was pregnant again. I figured there was no way I would miscarry a second time, but I was wrong. At 13 weeks we went to the hospital on a Sunday morning. I was bleeding and cramping, but the baby still had a heartbeat. We left that afternoon hopeful that it was nothing. The cramps got worse, and started coming every 3-5 minutes. The next day I went to see the Dr. again. I was vomiting, and could barely stand up straight because the pain was so bad. The Dr. sent me straight to the hospital. While I was laying in the hospital bed, my water broke. At that point, I didn’t care what was happening I just wanted the pain to stop! They did another ultrasound and there was no longer a heartbeat. They sent me home that afternoon, and I had my second miscarriage.
Each time I miscarried, I read hundreds of stories of other women’s experiences. No two stories were the same, even my own two stories are different. My first miscarriage felt like the worst period cramps I’ve ever had, and my second miscarriage felt like labor. Regardless of how I physically felt, they were both emotionally painful.
I never imagined that getting pregnant would be so heartbreaking , but I would go through it all a million times if in the end it gave me my baby girl. Most people don’t know that my daughter was actually my 3rd pregnancy. It was too hard to talk about. I didn’t want anyone feeling bad for me, or thinking there was something wrong with me. When I finally started talking, I realized I wasn’t alone. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Talking helps. Talk to a friend who’s gone through it, join a forum and share your story, or talk to me! Miscarriage awareness is so important. If you’re 1 in 4, know that you’re not alone, and don’t give up hope!
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